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The Biggest Mistake Made by Single Mormons Results (part 2 of 2)

October 20th, 2009

At long last, it is finished! Welcome back to the second half of the Biggest Mistake Made by Single Mormons survey results. This article contains a breakdown of the top five most popular results to the questions “what is the biggest mistake made by single Mormon men?” and “what is the biggest mistake made by single Mormon women?” If you haven’t seen the first half, with the tenth through sixth most popular results, click here first. Otherwise, read on.

Top 10 Responses: Numbers 5 Through 1

5. Looking Too Far Ahead/Reading Too Much In

Nearly 15% of the responses held that the biggest mistake made by single Mormons was “looking beyond the mark” by attempting to plan out their eternity before they’ve actually managed to complete a first date. Of those who mentioned it, 90% ascribed this mistake to women, while only 30% saw it in men (and 20% saw it as a problem for both sexes).

This mistake came in a couple of flavors. The standard one went something like this single woman’s response: “(Women) jump from ‘A’ to ‘Z’ in one date, or before. We’re taught all growing up in YW that we have to be on the lookout for Mr. Right and we’re even asked to make lists of the characteristics of said Mr. Right. So, often, instead of going out on a date just to have fun and get to know a person better, many women are trying to figure out if they can see themselves w/ that person for eternity. That’s too much stress for pre- or first dates. Yikes!” Another single woman applied the same answer to both men and women: “Thinking too much too soon. Most guys are afraid a girl will be thinking of marriage on the first date, and here’s no surprise, girls think guys are thinking the same thing and it freaks both sides out. No one wants to consider a first date an actual commitment. The first date, heck, the first few dates are just to get to know one another and see if you’re even compatible. So chill out and just get to know as many potentials as possible.”

There seemed to be a subset of this jump from A to Z problem that stuck more to the notion of “over-analyzing.” One single woman described it like this: “(Women) over analyze too much – always looking at things the way we hope they are.” Another single woman put it like this: “Over-analyzing every little detail of interaction with men and creating a relationship (in our mind) after one date, conversation, etc.”

When you over-analyze, it doesn’t mean you’re thinking too much. It means that at some point in your thinking you have allowed some logical flaw or mistaken assumption to enter in, and that your conclusions have therefore become faulty. I think that when you meet someone, you’re very prone to start adding assumptions about them to your thinking. You don’t know everything about them, so you fill in the blanks from imagination. You can get into a problem when you learn things about the person that don’t align well with what you’ve imagined. If you like the fantasy version more than the reality, you might be tempted to believe the fantasy over the reality. With some deft mental gymnastics, you can over-analyze your way into convincing yourself of just about anything.  Read more...

Posted in Love and Sex, Philosophy, Religion | 12 Comments »

The Biggest Mistake Made by Single Mormons Results (part 1 of 2)

September 6th, 2009

Thanks, everyone, for participating in the survey. I have gone through your answers and tried to categorize them. I’m afraid this has been an unscientific and subjective process, but I think the list of most popular responses I’ve produced is generally accurate. Considering how many responses were given and how long the article was getting to write about them, I have created a top 10 list. This article will cover items 10-6 in the list, and 5-1 will come in a follow up. If you’re interested to read about the original survey or to see the actual questions, go here. And now, without further ado: to the results!

Demographics

There were 88 respondents to the survey, with women, singles, and church members easily outnumbering males, married people, and non-members respectively. Here’s the chart:

The most interesting notable here, I think, is that women seemed so much more prone to answer a survey about what singles are doing wrong than men were. Whereas this phenomenon could be explained in numerous ways, I suspect it may have to do with the fact that women feel more powerless to control whether they get married. The cultural norm where men do the asking means that women just have to wait and hope. As a result, when given an opportunity to voice an opinion and perhaps effect changes in how people meet each other and pair off, it would stand to reason that women would be more likely to chime in. This might seem like the only way they can tell men in general what they need. More on that later. For now, let’s see what everyone had to say.

Top 10 Responses: Numbers 10 Through 6

And now what you’ve all been waiting for: direct from your peers, a list of the top ten things single Mormons are doing wrong.

10. Unclear Signals

8% of the respondents complained that Mormon singles are guilty of putting out unclear signals. The general opinion seems to be that this is a problem more for women, as 88% of these respondents attributed it to them. One single woman described it as “Saying yes when we mean no. Some women were raised with the notion that you cannot say no to a guy who asks you out. Women need to say no if they’re going to complain about it and stand the guy up later.” A single male seemed to echo her notion when he described it as “Saying words in between Yes and No.” Dating can be a bit of a minefield. These respondents seemed to want as clear a map as possible to navigate through it without embarrassing or badly hurting themselves.

On the other hand, some respondents saw dating as more of a treasure hunt than a mine field. They were less concerned about stepping on traps than they were about finding the gold. In any case, they still wanted clear instructions to find their way. One single male described it like this: “Not being direct with men- if they like a guy, they tend to play games. Flirt a little. Give them clear signals. It’s o.k.” A single woman said “Maybe it’s not being able to effectively communicate that they want to be asked out on dates. Maybe they need more tips like knowing when to touch a guy on the arm to signal interest, stuff like that.” Another single woman noted “I was never a very good flirt. I actually don’t know how to flirt and I don’t like playing games. I’ve discovered that all my married female friends seem to have this ability in spades.” I don’t know if she saw this as a deficiency for her or any other woman, but she had noticed that the women who had managed to marry seemed much better at flirting.  Read more...

Posted in Love and Sex, Philosophy, Religion | 2 Comments »

The Biggest Mistake Made by Single Mormons Poll

August 13th, 2009

I’m getting close to the point where I tally the results of this survey. If you haven’t responded yet but want to be included, now’s the time. If you don’t want to read the explanation, you can just click here and go straight to the poll:

Take the Poll

Single Mormons seem to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how single they are, especially as they try to devise a way to stop being single. I’m one of them, and this problem is a central preoccupation of mine.

Now that I’m getting older, though, and interacting with more people who are already married or have previously been married, I’m finding different attitudes. It seems that every time a single person complains about their singleness, there’s a married person nearby waiting to tell them that being married isn’t all that great. Mormons tend to say something like “it’s a lot of hard work.” If you translate this out of “politically-correct” and into “English” it comes out as “it sucks.”

So I’m finding myself surrounded by people who either want to get married, or long for the days when they were blissfully single. Given that I still belong to the former group, I romantically cling to the notion that “hard work” doesn’t necessarily “suck,” and that there is happiness to be had in marriage. However, given that so many around me seem unable to get at this happiness (myself included), I have to conclude that we’re doing something wrong.

I have some notions about what the wrong is that we’re doing, but I am curious to have some alternative points of view. So I have decided to conduct a poll. I’m hosting the poll on a site called surveymonkey.com. Anyone who wants can respond to it, and all respondents will remain anonymous.

There are only five questions on the poll: the first three just ask your sex, marital status, and whether you are LDS. The other two questions are: “what is the biggest mistake made by single Mormon men?” and “what is the biggest mistake made by single Mormon women?”

I’ve left the last two questions very broad because I imagine some people will want to respond more in terms of the mistakes we make that keep us single, while others will want to talk about the mistakes we make that mess up our eventual marriages.

Whatever your angle, please click on the link below to take the poll. Feel free to be as brief, wordy, insightful, superficial, funny, or grave as you like. The poll will accept 100 respondents. When that number is hit (or when I realize that no one is ever going to take my stupid poll and just give up waiting), I’ll collect the results and publish a summary of them on this blog. I’ll try to include the most entertaining snippets from your answers and point out any interesting trends that I find.
So what are you waiting for?

Take the Poll

Posted in Love and Sex, Religion | 5 Comments »

Love, Lust, and Carbon Monoxide

July 31st, 2009

Sweet: Glam Rockers and Biochemists

In 1978, a glam rock band from Great Britain called Sweet was on their way to musical obscurity. The era of musicians in sparkling tight pants, pink scarves and blaze orange platform boots was coming to an end thanks to this new thing called “Punk.” But Sweet had one last hit percolating in their minds. When they released their new single, “Love Is Like Oxygen” shot up the charts in both the US and UK.

From looking at them or paying close attention to their lyrics, you might not get the impression that Sweet were brilliant philosophers or accomplished biochemists. Nevertheless, this Love Is Like Oxygen notion of theirs has some legs. The idea that everyone needs love seems to be pretty well accepted. In child development circles especially, they seem to believe that human beings need love just to survive, much less to be happy.

But then, that’s not the kind of love I’m interested in ranting about. I was born to loving parents who would do anything for me and for whom I would do anything. I share the same sort of love with my brother, and with a small cadre of very close friends. So I’m covered on that kind of love. However, there is this other kind of love that I don’t know that I need, but certainly want. I’m going to call it romantic love. I can’t say that anyone needs it, per se. I’ve never had it, and yet I’ve managed to survive for 34 years. Nevertheless, I can say that I want it really bad, to the point that it does sometimes feel like I’ve been holding my breath for three and a half decades.

And that brings me to carbon monoxide poisoning. Every cell in your body needs oxygen to stay alive. The mitochondria in the cells require oxygen to produce ATP, which is the chemical energy source used by the cells to carry out the rest of its life processes. Oxygen is transported to each cell through your respiratory and circulatory systems. You breathe it into your lungs, where individual O2 molecules (that’s two oxygen atoms bonded together) bind with a molecule in your red blood cells called hemoglobin. These red blood cells are then pumped out to the body in your bloodstream to drop off the oxygen molecules to the rest of your cells.

The problem is that carbon monoxide (an oxygen and carbon atom bound together, or CO) can take the place of the oxygen in the red blood cell (in fact, it’s 200 times more likely to attach to a hemoglobin molecule than an oxygen molecule is, so where both are present, the CO is most likely to get the spot). So when you get a bunch of carbon monoxide in your lungs, the CO binds to the hemoglobin in your red blood cells in place of the oxygen, and is transported to your cells throughout the body. When it gets to the cells, it turns out to be useless. It can’t even be dislodged from the red blood cell, much less used to make ATP. So the more CO you breathe in, the more you increases the CO level in your bloodstream, and the less oxygen is able to get to your cells.

In the diagram below, George Clooney represents oxygen, and Pee Wee Herman represents carbon monoxide in the lungs. As you can see, although the Georges easily outnumber the Pee Wees, it is Pee Wee that manages to fill most all of the available link-up points on the hemoglobin molecules.  Read more...

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GuruStump.com update

December 8th, 2008

My personal website has once again been updated. For the past several months I have been working for a web development and marketing company called Threshold Interactive. We have recently released a few of the big websites that I helped build. I’ve put up links to them on my own portfolio site at gurustump.com. The clients are actually big companies you have heard of: Sony Pictures Television International and Honda Powersports. The sites are beautiful, too, so I highly encourage you to go check them out.

Beyond that, another web site which I had a substantial part in building (but that was done outside of Threshold) is now up and live. It’s for a toy company called Mighty World. You can get to it from my website as well.

Posted in Stuff that Happened, Technology | No Comments »