The Biggest Mistake Made by Single Mormons Results (part 1 of 2)
Sunday, September 6th, 2009
Thanks, everyone, for participating in the survey. I have gone through your answers and tried to categorize them. I’m afraid this has been an unscientific and subjective process, but I think the list of most popular responses I’ve produced is generally accurate. Considering how many responses were given and how long the article was getting to write about them, I have created a top 10 list. This article will cover items 10-6 in the list, and 5-1 will come in a follow up. If you’re interested to read about the original survey or to see the actual questions, go here. And now, without further ado: to the results!
Demographics
There were 88 respondents to the survey, with women, singles, and church members easily outnumbering males, married people, and non-members respectively. Here’s the chart:
The most interesting notable here, I think, is that women seemed so much more prone to answer a survey about what singles are doing wrong than men were. Whereas this phenomenon could be explained in numerous ways, I suspect it may have to do with the fact that women feel more powerless to control whether they get married. The cultural norm where men do the asking means that women just have to wait and hope. As a result, when given an opportunity to voice an opinion and perhaps effect changes in how people meet each other and pair off, it would stand to reason that women would be more likely to chime in. This might seem like the only way they can tell men in general what they need. More on that later. For now, let’s see what everyone had to say.
Top 10 Responses: Numbers 10 Through 6
And now what you’ve all been waiting for: direct from your peers, a list of the top ten things single Mormons are doing wrong.
10. Unclear Signals
8% of the respondents complained that Mormon singles are guilty of putting out unclear signals. The general opinion seems to be that this is a problem more for women, as 88% of these respondents attributed it to them. One single woman described it as “Saying yes when we mean no. Some women were raised with the notion that you cannot say no to a guy who asks you out. Women need to say no if they’re going to complain about it and stand the guy up later.” A single male seemed to echo her notion when he described it as “Saying words in between Yes and No.” Dating can be a bit of a minefield. These respondents seemed to want as clear a map as possible to navigate through it without embarrassing or badly hurting themselves.
On the other hand, some respondents saw dating as more of a treasure hunt than a mine field. They were less concerned about stepping on traps than they were about finding the gold. In any case, they still wanted clear instructions to find their way. One single male described it like this: “Not being direct with men- if they like a guy, they tend to play games. Flirt a little. Give them clear signals. It’s o.k.” A single woman said “Maybe it’s not being able to effectively communicate that they want to be asked out on dates. Maybe they need more tips like knowing when to touch a guy on the arm to signal interest, stuff like that.” Another single woman noted “I was never a very good flirt. I actually don’t know how to flirt and I don’t like playing games. I’ve discovered that all my married female friends seem to have this ability in spades.” I don’t know if she saw this as a deficiency for her or any other woman, but she had noticed that the women who had managed to marry seemed much better at flirting.
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